Posts

Pull Ups of Death

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Recently I have been getting into mountain climbing in a big way, well more like hiking but in Chinese they just call all types of going up a mountain 'climbing'. Anyway, I often see an older Italian fella doing pull ups at the bottom of the mountain on a bar and the fella is ripped, big time ripped.

Therefore I decided, well if he is that ripped maybe I should give it a go. I didn't want to do it on the bar where all the other folk were because I assumed (correctly) i'd struggle to even do 1 pull up and I remembered seeing some rings in the trees at the top of the mountain where I go hiking. There's not many people linger about in that spot, so I thought to myself i'll start the ripped look there. After waddling slowly to the top of the mountain, I get to the rings and as usual there is no one there, or anyone using the pull up rings. That meant I had them all to myself for the struggle of lifting my body up with only the strength my arms occupy.

I head towar…

Tissues outside the bog

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Have you ever been that desperate for a shit you just need to get inside instantly? Sometimes in Taiwan you get a bit of a shitty stomach from time to time and you need to have a mad dash to the bog. When you do this you need to be careful because a lot of toilets in Taiwan put the bog roll outside of the goddamn toilet. What lunacy is this?

That's correct, the toilet roll is outside and you need to guess what kind of crap your going to have before you take the plunge on deciding how much roll you're going to take inside with you. Sometimes there's a goody two shoes telling you, "hey you're taking too much!" I once replied to a fella who did this, "Well it's my shit and my arse, not yours is it?" It's really odd that people will even get offended by how much toilet roll you need for a good arse wiping.

I don't know why they can't just put it inside but some people have told me it's because people will steal the whole roll. Now t…

Rage walking and a bloke watching porn in Starbucks

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I normally need to have a rage walk once or twice every day, it sounds a bit drastic but something really sends me into a rage that much that I need to get outside and calm the shit down.

Yesterday however I needed a longer rage walk than normal, as the nonsense that goes on in Taiwanese companies is unreal. Basically, a guy wouldn’t just tell me the number I needed, instead I had to figure out where to find this number. I’m supposed to receive an email with information about the work but didn’t, and to make the rage even worse this bloke had looked to see if work had been approved, he saw the number, then went to other management system to type a message for me to input the number he needs there. The same number he had seen now two or three times. 
Even though he had seen the number so much he wouldn’t just pass the number onto me or tell me the number so I could finish the task. Because in his words; that’s not his job to do that. That’s my job. So I had to call the woman who deals…

We are only a couple, and I live alone - Dog Charity in Taiwan refuses to let me adopt a dog

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Me and the Mrs had been thinking about getting a dog for some time, quite some time in fact. I have always loved dogs myself, but the Mrs was never that keen.

Well that all changed after we took a trip back to England to see my parents, my mother had since got a dog since I relocated to Taiwan. When the Mrs met him and spent time with him she was positively sold on getting a dog. 
First of all we had to move apartments from my jail sized box to a real apartment, that comes with separate bedrooms, kitchens and a lot more space. Before the move I was living in a tiny studio with no kitchen or separate bedrooms. Unlike the locals I believe this is no place for a dog to be left alone while I go to work all day. 
Once we found a place, the first thing the Mrs insisted on was to find a dog, my only rule was that if we get one, then we must adopt it. There’s so many dogs that have been abused or abandoned in need of a loving home and family, and I’m not so keen about trusting breeders even a…

Walking in Taipei can be an annoyance

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If you have ever been to Taipei you know it can be busy, but not as busy as other Asian metropolises. Therefore it becomes a frustrating annoyance when trying to walk anywhere in the city because people often get in your way regardless if you're walking fast, slow or make an attempt to circumnavigate them.

Smart phones and scooters have a large part to play in this issue, people are addicted to using their smart phones in Taiwan and when you walk past people on the street a large percentage of them are still playing their phone games even as they're walking while at the same time not paying attention to their surroundings. If the phone zombies walk into you because they're unaware of paying attention, then they'll give you a look as if to say, "why the hell didn't you move?!?!"

The worst incident I have seen of this lately was upon trying to exit a lift, someone steps out before but only takes one step; after that one step they just stand directly in fro…

Ditch the mask, eat guava

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As I sat in the doctors waiting to be seen for the gash that currently runs vertical across my little toe, I couldn’t help be disturbed by all the sniveling, coughing, sneezing and the retching of phlegm from the back of the other patients throats.

In my attempt to try and avoid catching the lurgy and dying of some OAP’s snot filled gobbing a thought flashed through my mind, they’re all wearing masks but it’s still like the equivalent of sitting in a room with the extras from the walking dead.
I too, was once their companion; fighting against a constant barrage of phlegm and snots while trying to look like I wasn’t spreading the lurgy - the difference between them and me was, I refused to wear a mask and I still do to this day. The look of horror on the faces of other patients back then at seeing this rebel break free from the constraints of society and dare sit in the doctors maskless was classic Kodak gold material. 
However, wearing a mask is useless as it’s proven a lot of common…

Taiwan's Football Revolution is BOOOOOM!

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Taiwan Defeat Bahrain

Taiwan managed to put in an astonishing performance in Gary White’s first competitive fixture as Taiwan manager. From the first whistle they were all up in Bahrain’s shit, while Bahrain looked like they were expecting another cake walk. Unfortunately on one of Bahrain’s forays up the into Taiwan’s half early in the game their attacker went at the Taiwan defence, done the left back like a kipper then realized he was never making a pass, or a shot from the angle he found himself in. So he did what most footballers do in the 21st century and threw himself to the ground rolling around like he'd smashed in the back with a brick for a pen. Scabby, scabby indeed. It got tucked into the corner, the keeper – who was bloody excellent all night and apparently not picked in the past because he is a mad bastard – got very, very close to keeping it out. At that point we assumed it would be game over for Taiwan as is the norm for the national team. Taiwan battled like men poss…