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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Paint Balling

So we all decided to go paint balling as we had no football to be involved in last weekend.  The paint balling place we decided to go was called 147.  We decided to take the cheaper option which was 599nt which included entrance cost and 200 bullets. 

Luke informed me if you pick your shots, and manage to shoot when you have a sight to kill you will be fine with 200 bullets.  So I thought yeah I am a little trigger happy but if I can manage to calm the fuck down I will be fine.  

As per usual people are unreliable and were late.  So we were late getting to the paint ball arena.  No matter how early I tell people to get there they turn up late.  

When we arrived, the safety briefing took absolutely ages, and was completely in Chinese not really helping. Anyway the only rule I needed to know was shoot, kill, win!  Full of win!

Eventually after everything we were off to play a goddamn game.  I had my gun, I had my 200 bullets and I was ready to fuck shit up.  There was not many of us, only 9 so we had to pair up with another team and fight against a big group of Taiwanese people.  That was fine, so we listened to the game rules.  They got to hide and we had to attack them.  They all toddled off like good little boys and girls, sat in their hiding place and never moved once all goddamn game!

We just had to stand there till the whistle blew and then get into a place and attack, I was fine for this and I had myself positioned to dive into a bunker close to the enemy.  Tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet there goes the whistle and I am off, like fucking Tony Montana on speed.  Heads kept popping up as I was charging forward and I was shooting them to shit, then I dived in the ditch.  All flying green shit heading in my direction had been avoided and I was kicking their shitty little arses!  They didn't move once when I had bullets.  When they moved they got rained down with shots!  As I was kicking their arse I was screaming "wa xi, xi adula!"  Taiwanese for "I'm a freaking foreigner!"  They like to use this as an insult, but I take their insult and raise it to affection, oh yeah baby!  Big problem was, I was out there alone Montanaing it up, taking them out like a bad ass, but I didn't realise my bullets were running low.  

Matteo and Micheal then plonked their arses next to me calling me a crazy bastard, but everyone behind me was too goddamn slow, then I realised my gun had no bloody bullets left.  I did what they said in the rules at the start, popped up my hands like I was dead, and the guys on the other side kept bopping me in the head.  They were clearly annoyed that they had been fucked up big time.  I told them to calm the shit down and they didn't so I got angry which ain't good.  While they were sat in the trees shitting in their knickers, I was rampaging across the battlefield like a true leader at the front!

Anyway the guy asked if they wanted to change sides and then we could of defended the trees, but the cowardly fuckers shit their pants again and didn't want to take an utter fisting!!

This is where the organisation went to utter rat shit.  As I normally say turbo shit!  The guys running the games spent about 20 minutes finding out who needed more bullets, then they came back with 2 boxes and tiny little cups claiming there was 200.  I mean why not either just bring the big box and save time fucking about or buy a load of bullets up front!  It was scary to think those guys run this stuff all the time!  After this we went into the game in a tiny area with only a load of barrels for cover!  We were doing well in this game, until Alban started moving the barrels forward.  I got one utter mean cramp in my right peg and then I told Alban, who showed he is very French ignored me and kept moving forward.  So basically I took a load of hits and hobbled out of the line of fire!

We played 1 more small game against each other, all in all we had a blast.  If the organisation was better, and we had more people where we could play each other in all games instead of having to team up with other guys.

At the end of the day, when we got changed, Charles took out his massive new bug and stuck it on his arm.  Watching him trying to tear it back off was mental.  He had just paid 40 quid for this bug and was attempting to rip its legs off to get it off his arm!  He ended up going to sort out the bill with this massive bug attached to his arm like it was a normal every day occurrence.  

Luke told me it was hilarious seeing me leg it through the middle of the battlefield screaming and shouting and shooting anything that moved while avoiding all the green shit flying my way!  Which made one of our guys from the team make this bad boy that I am going to leave you with.  I really am like Tony Montana in the old paintball tearing everyone a new one!!!  I used 200 bullets in 7 minutes that is bad ass!!