Tuesday, July 9, 2013

First Typhoon of the Year. (picks the worst time as usual!!)

This is the first storm/typhoon to look like it is gonna hit Taiwan this year.  It picked the worst weekend for it, as the Magpies were going to the water park on Sunday!  I hope it doesn't arrive until Monday at least.  Fingers crossed so the Mags can have a mighty time at the water park.

Make sure you have enough supplies at home for the weekend of 13th (Saturday) and 14th (Sunday) as it could be a big one.  If its a big one you won't want to be going out.

Looking at the photo it looks like its gonna effect all of Taiwan.  I have one question for the Typhoon god...why do you always show up on Sundays and ruin my only day off work???!?!!?!?

Monday, July 8, 2013

In defence of my Taiwanese Sisters!!! (idiots writing blogs about Taiwanese women)

So recently there has been a lot of foreigners who are living in Taiwan giving their 'expert' (ha ha) opinion on Taiwanese women they have met.  Some give their advice to people, some are just outright stupid.  One thing all these blogs have in common in my opinion is how stupid it makes the author look.  

They all say the same, they talk about how easy girls are right here in Taiwan.  There is one fatal point most of them only deal with girls they meet at the club.  Or like that guy who wrote the blog about fucking all the girls from clubs and how amazingly great he was and all that.  His blog actually made him look like a complete dickhead actually.  He used the whole blog to call Taiwanese girls every name under the sun.  He then went on about how girls in Singapore and Hong Kong were better.  Then low and behold, fuck me through Sunday and call me Santa Claus!!!  What did he say later in the blog.  My Taiwanese Girlfriend is awesome because she lived in America for 3 months.  Wooopidy doo mate.  Wow look she lived in America, that makes her like an American now, with my mighty IQ surely this qualifies.  No mate, you girlfriend is still Taiwanese, and as you made a whole blog about how Taiwanese girls are stupid idiots and just out to be fucked, then your girlfriend must be really happy with you!

Then I stumbled across another blog, this one was wrote by a woman which is disturbing.  The fact it is wrote by a woman, and she is giving out so called advice to other women to fuck around.  Is this really great advice?  

The story went like this, girl liked a foreign guy, so they spent a weekend away together.  She had only known him for two weeks.  The guy started touching her leg and being quite openly forward with flirting.  The girl moved his hand from her leg as she felt uncomfortable i'm sure.  Then this girl who wrote this shit blog commented saying "oh my god girl why?" Something like this.  

Further down in her blog of great advice (ha ha) she goes on to say the guy tried to sleep with the girl.  The girl didn't want to, so now she is worried she has missed her chance with him.  I would call it a blessing in disguise she didn't sleep with him because now the guy doesn't speak to the girl anymore and is now apparently with an ABC he met in a club (where back to in the club which is a recurring theme with these stupid dicks giving people like me a bad name!)  Which tells the world he was only after one thing with this girl, a good weekend of getting jiggy wit it!  So yes missy, you have dodged a bullet there, you may sad but he is a loser and you did the right thing.  If a guy likes a girl he will still want to hang out and be with you even if you tell him you don't want to have sex!  All my Taiwanese sisters should remember that!  

Then moving onto another guy, William.  I don't know if it was his article or someone else just wrote about it.  Apparently according to this social genius William all foreigners are here just to fuck around, have fun, make some wonga then go back to their home country.  Well William no one give you permission to speak for me. I am indeed a foreigner.  I never want to live in England again, I am very happy in Taiwan and life here is good.  I very rarely go clubbing.  I am anticool!  

William also talks about the women back home.  Mister William needs to open his eyes and understand in every country in the world there are easy women, and intellectual smart interesting women.  If you look in clubs for your girlfriend or what have you, your chances of finding someone smart and interesting are slim to none i'd say!  Also when I worked in the good old U S of A I can assure you Women there were just like women in clubs the world over.  Actually sometimes even worse.  It is still the only place in the world where I have been told by a girl in a bar, "I have sucked most guys dicks in this town!"  Go you, what an achievement.  Also another girl told me "hey this is my brother, we fuck each other too"  Wonderful.  Amazing.  I needed to know that really.  Then there was the sick bastards who passed their friends glass eye around each others mouths by kissing, no matter on gender.  The glass eye owner popped it into his beer and popped it back into his eye.  He was like the proud owner of a massive trophy.  Weirdos the lot of them.  As well as this, my mate Mick from Liverpool was humping every yankee bird under the sun.  Woooing them with his awful screeching scouse accent full of spit and slavver!  Hence the same the world over. 

I have a lot of examples.  I will explain a few now, starting with my good old home city:  

Newcastle Upon Tyne, England.

Well, well, well...where do I start.  Back home people like to drink.  All you guys who go clubbing here would be demolished by anyone back home at drinking by anyone normal who does not think they are some false tanned dick of Geordie Shore.  OK so now that point is passed here goes the example.  

Clubbing on the weekend, most people go out to dance, party, drink, have a good time.  Most of all most guys back home will assess how good their weekend was by whether they pulled or not.  Or as they say back home, smashed the pasty!  Got your end away!  Found the Gammon!  Put it in the pink, put it in the stink, knees deep in clunge!! etc etc.  You get the point there are a lot of words back in the good old Toon for sleeping with someone.  So most people hook up during the night, but what is truly disturbing is the end of the night.  All those fuckers who didn't pull drastically looking around all furious thinking fuck, I need a fuck!  In that order.  You will often see people going home with random people they didn't even speak to because of fear of not ahem finding a fuck!  Vulgar terms are the same as what are used back home.  Not intended to disturb your fragile minds.

Next stop.  

New Jersey/New York, USA

So I was here working, and I made friends with a lad from Liverpool.  His intention was to woo every girl he could.  Even the fat monster ones you see in the movies who look like they are 30 stone.  He didn't care about looks and often came out with those lines, those beauties that everyone says when they fuck around and don't care about nuthin!  The lines of 'any hole is a goal!' and 'You don't look at the mantle piece when your poking the fire!'  Anyway.  He wooed every girl he met with his horrible Scouse accent.  All full of slavver, and spit sounding like a poorer version of that tool Jamie Carragher!  He even fucked two sisters at one point on the same night, in rooms that were next door to each other.  They mainly liked him because of his accent, and his patter (bullshit).  

Next stop.

Stuttgart, Germany

This is a bit of a role reversal but it still shows a good example.  I went and studied in Germany on my placement a girl of the course came with me.  All the German guys I saw frothing at the mouth at this English girl who dressed for summer every day of the year!  Their words not mine, and how often they tried to help her doing things.  They clearly wanted to help so much just to get in her knickers!  It is quite funny.  

Next stop

Bangkok, Thailand

Now if anyone really wants to talk about easy look no further than Thailand.  Specifically Koh Sahn Road.  A lot of people there are either with pros, or they are all hooking up together.  I guess some people don't even notice they are going home with lady boys and such like.  A little note for all you guys in Bangkok, the ones who have a fucking adams apple are a man!  Anyway Bangkok is pretty gross, from sex tourists, to tourist spastics!  Its just plain old awful.  One funny moment I remember on this kind of subject was when one super oversized man decided to ridicule me because I didn't have a girl on my arm and he had three girls all around him sucking his man titties!  He said 'urgh you don't have any girls ha hahahahahaha'  To which I replied, 'I don't need to buy my girlfriends you fat cunt!'  At this point the pro's wanted to smash my face in with their skanky high heels so I had to make a move but it was worth it.  I know I am kind of fat myself right now, but this man was a full grown monster, he looked like he ate people, and babies, and animals, and even Thai ladyboys.  Anyway Thailand is the centre of sleeze!!!

What these examples clearly show are people are the same the world over.  People are attracted to people who are different surely.  No one wants a female version of their self.  That would be a fucking nightmare.  The foriegn guys here who have been writing all these blogs about Taiwanese women who are easy has been annoying me so I decided to write this because the world is pretty much the same wherever you go.  

What I think is these people who write these blogs have never been let out of their back yard, never mind their own fucking country.  If they got out and about more, they would see more and understand if you go around looking for girls in clubs only, then you will only find a certain type of girl that is *ahem* easy!  

These guys only go for easy girls anyway, everyone knows that.  If you only look at one part of society then you wont see the whole picture.  Most people here have a different background, different up bringing, different way of thinking to life, relationships, sex and all that glory that goes with it.  This is not wrong or right but to then look down on people who wont *ahem* put out in a few days as being a prude is wrong.  There are plenty of smart, nice and interesting Taiwanese girls that is a fact!  You won't meet many of them in clubs though I can guarantee that! 

People need to realise the culture is different.  People here don't normally just fuck around with anyone who is white, black, green, pink, purple, yellow, rainbow coloured.  It is not in the culture to do this.  They prefer to get to know you, take their time.  See that your a nice guy.  My opinion is this is a much better way. 


 If they met a smart, interesting and intelligent girl their brain would fry, frazzle and sizzle that the girl was not just in awe of the fact that you were white, or an American immigrant!(ABC is just an immigrant really.) I am not being racist or looking down or anything.  In good old America people like to make a point of they are an immigrant we are real American all this bullshit.

So please god, stop looking at one part of society (clubs, partying) and think you know everything for fuck sake.  Stop giving us other foreigners a bad reputation because you are complete bellends that think you are gods gift.  You are not gods gift your dickheads!  Plain and Simple!  

Wow check me out, I go clubbing, I know what the whole female population of Taiwan is like now, they are all the same.  If you think like this.  You are stupid!  End of!  Game over!  I am the winner!  Good bye!

Gua Sha treatment for heat stroke relief

Earlier this week I had to get Gua Sha, because of suffering from bad heat stroke after hiking in the afternoon, like a madman, bang on midd...