Thursday, May 8, 2014

Homework - Dante Cafe - Green Tea - My shit pronouciation of LU CHA!!!

So since I have been working at Hess, I realised to mark the homework I really need to go somewhere that doesn't have all my home comforts where I can be distracted by the internet, football manager, or watching TV shows, or anything else that takes my mind from actually doing any kind of work that needs to be done.  

This has led my hunt for a location to take me to Dante Cafe.  The reason for this is that when I tried to do my work, actually at work the kids, and people just distract me.  I have always been this kind of person where I need to be able to really zone out to concentrate.  Once that concentrate is broken then I'm done for.  I am like one of the worst ADD children where they cannot concentrate on anything and everything distracts them.  So the office was out of the question after a few attempts.

Then I tried Mcdonalds a few times, but it was always bloody packed.  I also never wanted to buy anything, sometimes I just rocked up to Maccy Dees with my food from outside, a drink from outside, my homework and just did the whole Taiwanese thing of using their tables and space to mark the homework.

Then one day for some reason I thought why not try Dante Cafe.  I went there, bought a pot of green tea and sat there and just drank it.  The great thing about going to Dante Cafe is you can refill the hot water, so you spend 70NT and just sit there marking homework drinking green tea until your done.  Now I am totally addicted to green tea.  I am sure there are better and worse things to be addicted to.  Anyway this is my place to go to mark the homework.  Dante Cafe.  I did try Starbucks but it was over priced and shit.

No parking (The Irony)

So this is normal behaviour in Taiwan.  Especially when it comes to parking.  People will park anywhere they like, even if it clearly says no parking.  

A guy pulled up outside of Carrefour (big supermarket like Asda) and parked right next to two no parking signs.  It kind of made me laugh a bit.  

Anyway here is the evidence har har.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Lu Wei

This is called Lu Wei!  I love it a lot.  You rock up to the shop and they have a selection of certain kinds of meats, internal organs, vegetables, noodles, and various other stuff.  You choose what you want and put it into a little basket.  Then when they cook it, they put it all together in the pot and cook it with the soup.  After that they throw it on your plate, and hey presto you eat.

When I first came to Taiwan I really didn't like this basically because of how it looked.  This seems to be a natural thing for a lot of foreigners, but after time you just become adjusted to everything here.  Anyway I love it.

I found a new shop close to my home on Tingzhou Road which is very good.  It is on Tingzhou Road close to Shida Road.  It has a white sign outside and it is small inside with only two tables.  Anyway it is good and it is open until 1am!!! 

If anyone goes there, just choose what you want and enjoy.  You can all thank me later.  P.S - I don't know if the spelling is correct.


V6 - Pub Olympics

So 3 of us from the Magpies footy team went to represent in the v6 Pub Olympics.  The games we had to play were pool, darts, and beer pong.  We were supposed to have a team of 5, but On Tap were OK with us just having 3. 

First up was me and Danny playing pool vs Shane.  This was a close game, and we both got down to the being on the black, the Shane guy potted the black and the white, meaning we won.  Meaning we fluked it, but we were still taking it.  When we finished up on the pool John was playing JFC at darts.  It ended up a close game, and they were both on the bull, but John managed to pull the win out of the bag.

Me and Danny then played the Badgers at beer pong, and I must say beer pong is the most boring game ever.  Due to the fact it goes on forever.  I was getting pretty bored.  As we were playing John went to play Daan at pool, and he finished and won the pool game as we were still playing beer pong.  We lost our beer pong game to the Badgers meaning we had 4 points. 

Next up we had to play Taipei City at beer pong in our last game of the night.  This was a winner takes all match, with the loser ending up in 2nd place.  At one point, we were down to just 1 cup with Taipei City still having five left.  I must say the thought of winning a crate of beer, and the thought of making Franky lose, after he kept taunting us by shaking his arse at us every time they got a ping pong ball in the cup spurred us on.  Me and Danny started getting them in the cups, and Danny threw in the epic last one, and off we walked with a crate.  Happy fucking days!!!! 

Pub Olympic Champions 

Football Manager - (the most addictive game ever!!)

Ever since I moved to Taiwan nearly 4 years ago, there has been one thing that I brought from home which I think is one of the most addictive things in my life!  Football manager!  When I came here I brought football manager 2010, and I play on it pretty much every single day of my life.  It really is that addictive.  I have played with various different teams, and in loads of different countries.  

I am sure I am not the only person in the world who think its mega addictive.  Sometimes I can sit and play on it for hours.!!  It is crazy.  Anyway.  I just wanting to let you all know it is the most addictive thing ever!!! 

Better than Pardew!! 

Watching Gateshead is a lot different to watching Newcastle!

So I watched the two play off games Gateshead played against Grimsby this week.  Honestly, it was a bloody refreshing change. Watching a team, that is actually trying to win, improve and move through the leagues.  I still remember when Newcastle actually tried.  It was nice to see them win anyway, and get a decent crowd.  I will be tuning in and watching the play off final too.  Shame it didn't happen when I was home otherwise I would of went down to Wembley to watch them.  

Since I have moved away it has been a bit mental, Dunston Fed went to Wembley and won the F.A Vase, and now the Heed are off to Wembley for the play off final.  I suppose I should of moved away ages ago and then all local teams would of done all right apart from the one I like the most ho bloody hum.

Anyway, it was good to watch a local team try and win a game of football.  I know Newcastle won on Sunday but fuck me, am I pissed off with them.  I am pissed off with Mike Ashley, I am totally fucked off with Pardews excuses every week.  I am pissed off that all we do is target 10th in the league.  Whoopie do.  The race for 10th, Pardew talks about finishing 10th like its a fucking achievement the man is a grade A cunt.

Anyway best of luck to Gateshead.  Would be great to see the Heed Army win the play offs.
As for Newcastle, I am slowly losing interest, which I never thought would happen ever.  No ambition, no fight, no passion, the soul of the club is gone, we are well and truly a selling club.  A guy went to school with recently said "Newcastle have all ready exceeded his expectations for the season."  Well fuck me, that just goes to show how much people have been brain washed by the likes of that cunt Pardew who is full of shit. 

I don't want to go on about it too much, but as long as we don't care about winning anymore my interest is dying fast which is sad!!!  

I wonder what the odds are for Newcastle to lose 15-0 to Liverpool in the last game of the season and Liverpool win the league because of it. 

Anyway.  Keep on keeping on!  
Good luck to the HEED and FUCK OFF PARDEW! 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

A little bit of Le Toon in Taipei!!!

So our team, Riverside Magpies finally have enough Newcastle tops to use in the 6 a side league.  Bringing a little bit of Newcastle to Taipei, and Taiwan.  It feels good to finally have the team, all be it for one competition playing in black and white!  Hopefully eventually we can afford to get the 11 a side team black and white kits too.  

If anyone else would like to donate any Newcastle tops to our team that would be greatly appreciated, please contact me if you would like to at

The Sticky Ball!!! (It's essential!)

First and foremost sorry I have been away for such a long time, as anyone who has worked at Hess knows they do keep you busy a lot.  So I have been utterly occupied with work, even my own mother knows this as she has been pretty much neglected since I started working there.

Anyway today, I want to talk about one of the most important teaching items you can take to the class when you are teaching English in Taiwan. 

This is the sticky ball!  Here it is in all its glory!

The kids love them and there are loads of different games you can play with them.  For example draw the class on the white board anyway you want and then you throw the sticky ball at the drawings.  Whenever they hit someone you erase where they hit.  For example little Bob hits little Cindy in the eye, Cindy loses an eye.  

Another way I use the sticky ball is draw there heads as massive circles and then little stick bodies.  If the sticky ball hits the head, this is a head shot like black ops and it is either instant death or they get 100 points. 

You can also do simple things like target games, darts games, tactics games, war games etc etc.  All with the sticky ball and like I said the kids love them.

If you are teaching English in Taiwan or anywhere in Asia I would highly recommend you to purchase a sticky ball.

In Taiwan they can mainly be bought in everything shops for anywhere between 20-40nt dollars.  

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Best Taiwanese food near Taipei Main Station.

OK guys this is the best place to eat near Taipei Main Station.  It is on Chongqing south road, by a post office, and a calligraphy shop.  In between there is a shop that sells dumplings, and noodles and various other Taiwanese food.  This is by far the best food place I have ate at in this area. 

I really love the sweet and sour soup with dumplings floating around inside.  The portion size is really awesome and its really filling, it only costs 70nt too!!!  As well as this I like to buy the fried pork (pi gu) which is great, totally 100 per cent awesomeness.  Although I do need to stop eating so much fried food as I will become a beach whale, and I wont be able to walk if I keep eating it.

Here is the food in all it amazing wonderful glory!  Man it makes me hungry just looking at it!!!!

Skinny, as Skinny can be!!!

Girls in Taiwan like to be skinny, but some go to certain extremes where they really do hit the next level of skinny.  Verging on anorexic and malnourished.  

I have noticed this a lot since I came to Taiwan back in the day, but the other day I seen a girl in front of me who's legs look liked they were going to snap!  

Her legs don't look like they can hold the weight of her own head!  I don't have a clue what she eats.  Maybe she just rubs pesto on her legs or something.  She clearly doesn't eat much.! 

It looks pretty disgusting, she needs some nice big meals!  As you can see her head clearly weighs more than everything else! 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

You know you have lived in Taiwan for a long time when...

When I first came to Taiwan there were a lot of things I didn't understand or get.  Sometimes I would just think they were outright down and out proper weird!  Other things I just didn't understand because I was weird for the locals.

Queuing for food.  (Seeing a queue and randomly joining because there is a queue and not knowing what it is!)

The first thing I want to talk about is seeing a queue at a food shop that looks utter shit from the outside.  You go by, look at it and think bloody hell what are they queuing for.  Really these food stands look like they are nothing special at all, but sometimes you could have to queue and wait for up to 30 minutes.  My girlfriend used to always say to me, "oooh I wonder why the queue is so big, maybe we should queue and get some too, it must be good!"  I used to reply with..."Sod that, they are selling the same thing right next to it!"  This used to bring out totally furious looks from her! 

Now after being here for so long, I get it.  Those small stands have the best goddamn food at times.  Like the other day, Jen saw a great Taiwanese pigs foot place on the internet, and we went there.  Normally if I had just arrived from England I would think man this is shit.  We went in and ordered different pigs foot.  (Don't get cocky I mean the way it was cooked,) and then we ate it as you do.  It was bloody great!  I loved it, although I like to eat pigs foot a lot. 

So onto the morale of my goddamn long winded story.  The moral of the story is this, when I first arrived in Taiwan i didn't want to queue for anything like a typical English person.  I queue if I have to, but avoid the things if I can help it.  Now I see the queue and I say to the missus, look at the size of that queue lets go and queue and see whats going down. 

Judging a city on the quality of its night markets

When going to another city, the first thing you want to do back home is see what they have to do, see what their bars and night life is like.  When I came to Taiwan they often told me "oooh you should go here because the night market is superb!"  I thought eh, you have night markets everywhere now really what is so special about this one.  Things like that etc etc.

Now after living here for 3 years, I generally say to people often, "ooh Taichung's night market is the mutts nuts!"  Basically I am doing the same thing as everyone else.  If someone goes anywhere I am always asking how is the night market, whats the food like is it cheap or expensive.  These kind of thoughts and questions would not of crossed my mind but now I really fit into the society better and understand the subtleties of how things work here, I am like fuck yeah it is great here!  They have an awesome night market!!!  

Having a different opinion of FAT!

So lets get this straight from the off.  Right now I am fat, but I am going swimming often on a weekly basis.  I try to do at least 3 times a week at the moment with my busy schedule but anyway.  Yes currently I am fat.  

In England I am only classed as chubby mind you, so to come to Taiwan and be a fucking beach whale is odd.  Everyone is skinny here, even the so called fat people they are skinny too mostly.  I do often see some fatties and my first thought is (where do you buy clothes fat man?) and my second thought is bloody hell you don't see many of them here! 

This point is mainly about the differences in what we see as being fat.  Back home people are bigger, fatter and rounder but we just think ahh they are fine, a little chubby, a little bit meat all is good in the hood!  Etc etc.  Or stuff like well "well its more cushion for the pushing."  In Taiwan, your fat if your like 12 stone i'd say.  No I don't know what that is in KG nor do I care about KG.

Anyway, the so called fatties here, are not really fatties back home.  Now when I see a fatty I think god she/he is fat fat fat but in the back of my mind I really think there not that fat at home.  I however back home im big but not that big, here I think I am a beach whale compared to people here! Sometimes a girl says she is fat, and her thighs are smaller than my arms.  Her arms smaller than my little fingers!!!  I think your not fat you fool!

There are big girls here but this is the best I could find in English.
The roads are crazy here!

When you first arrive, you think god.  The traffic here is gonna wipe me clean out.  After a while and cruising around on the old scooter you start to just adapt and get used to it.  The amount of road rage I had when I first came here, and also when I first started riding around on the scooter was mental.  Now the things I see are just normal.  4 people and a dog on 1 scooter, that's normal, going through red lights - normal, driving the wrong way down a 1 way street - normal, riding on the pavement with the scooter - normal, riding across pedestrian crossings - normal, carrying anything you want on the scooter, bicycles, ladders, tvs, drawers, 46 beers and all the other shopping, bookshelves, luggage, anything you want its all normal!!!! 

If I went back to driving/riding around in the UK I think I would be arrested all the time, the way I ride around on my scooter here.  If people back home saw you driving like that they would go mental!  

I am normally in this somewhere!
The fascination with food, all food! 

This is something that is a little different to being back in good old blighty but not as much as I first thought when I came here.  Now I understand when Taiwanese people go out and eat together, it is the same as when we back home ask people to go to the pub for a pint.  

When I first arrived mind, I was confused how they ate so much food and still don't really get fat.  It is either in the genes, or people here have hollow legs or something!

No 4th floor!

Most lifts in apartment buildings don't have a 4th floor.  I want to share a story when I first came here which is very bloody stupid.  In the first building I lived in which was a bit fancy, you could only go to your own floor.  They had a fancy key fob that you had to buzz on the lift and it knew which floor you lived on.  We lived on the second floor, and it would only allow me to go down to the 1st floor, our floor the 2nd floor, the roof or the basement levels.

When I gave the buttons a closer inspection, for months I always wondered what was on the 'F' floor.  For months I always thought that must be the secret 'fun' floor.  This is where they must have all the fun stuff, like the bouncy castle and that!  I was thinking if I can get into the F floor they must have a bouncy castle.  

One day when I was going home, the lift eventually went to the 4th floor and the doors opened.  There was nothing!!!  This blew my mind, where is my fun floor!  where is my bouncey castle!  

Then when I found out the reality was much more different to my imagination.  The reason they don't have the 4th floor is because number four in Chinese sounds a lot like death, and they don't want to live on the death floor.  So sometimes there is no 4th floor and sometimes there is an F or something similar. 

Another place that never has a 4th floor is the hospital.!  If your looking for the 4th floor good luck! 

Gobbing here, gobbing there, gobbing everywhere! 

When you are walking on the mean very safe streets of Taipei, you can always hear people somewhere around you coughing up a big gob full of phlegm and snot and spitting it out.  If you can't see it, you can always hear it.  

Taiwan needs this!
There is one particular old woman in the swimming pool I go to where she practically manages to get every last small snot from her nose, and every bit of phlegm and gobs it all down the drains.  I suppose some of it doesn't go down unfortunately meaning I am swimming in a snot pool of sorts! one word explains this experience when you are near it=disgusting!

Old people vs young people

Back home, where there is snow and all things with cream and chocolate the old people are a lot more polite in general than the younger people.  Younger people are often rude, obnoxious and a down right pain in the arse!!!  This is indeed a broad genralisation I know this but its a fact.  The young people are the most likely to give you abuse in the street or randomly attack you.  That does not mean they are all terrible but compared with the old folks there is no competition.!  I suppose England is famous for the nice old granny, that is friendly to people.  

In Taiwan, it is totally flipped on its head, backwards and inside out.  Old people are generally obnoxious here.  As I said this is a broad genralistion and it could have to do with the language issue also, but they really do act very rude often.  They never queue for anything for example, and they are not afraid of pushing you out of the way to get a seat on the MRT or get that last stinky tofu, for old people in Taiwan its an all out war to get there first, drive mega slow in front of you, generally be rude and obnoxious.  (disclaimer, this is my opinion!)  

On the other hand young people are very nice and friendly.  They are polite, well mannered and often help when they can if you are stuck, lost, cant do something, need help with translation this kind of thing.  They are great.  They generally do things young people back home would never do! 

Weird themed restaurants

Until I came to Taiwan I had never seen anything such as a themed restaurant.  Now that I have lived in Taiwan for so long, I think of themed restaurants as the norm.  This is just how life is.  There is a Barbie restaurants (apparently this is the first in the world), a toilet restaurant (where all your food is in a toilet, you sit on toilets etc etc), an aeroplane restaurant (where all the staff are dressed like air hostess and when you get your food its like an in flight meal) a Hello Kitty restaurant, a Ninja restaurant, a Peter Rabbit restaurant and many many more that I have still not found.  Anyway this is all weird compared to back home.  Ranging from cool to tacky. 

Carrying a dog or a cat in a bag!

For some reason here, girls like to carry their cats and dogs in a bag!  It is odd, some of them even have a dog or a cat push chair, with their dog and cat sat inside the push chair like a little baby.  Back home dogs and cats walk, as that's why they have legs!  In Taiwan they are treat like little babies!!  

The only dogs that walk around here often are the stray dogs.  Who actually are the best looking dogs in Taiwan, size wise they are generally medium sized dogs, and the ones people have at home are little bitch dogs.  Tiny things that if you were not looking you would stamp on it squash the little rat like things right dead on the spot!  People here have a fascination with tiny little dogs they can put in their bag like a stupid fashion accessory.  

Betel Nut Stands

In Taiwan you can buy something called betel nut.  It is like a legal drug, it gives you a high or something.  I have never tried it, but sometimes they have these stands where there is a girl with hardly any clothes on selling these little green things that the truck drivers chomp on all day long, and make their teeth turn some kind of ugly disgusting brown colour.  

The places where they have girls with mainly no clothes on are normally in the south.  In Taipei its mainly old women. The betel nuts can give you throat cancer, so I guess they are as bad as tabs.  The people who have chewed betel nuts forever have really horrid teeth, it makes you look away they are that bad!  Every time you see a blue truck van man (like a transit van man back home) he will be chomping away on this weird nut thing.  When they spit it out, it staines the floor.  When I first came to live here I did wonder what the hell was all the weird red looking stuff splattered all over the floor.

Anyway I can't explain more than that, because we really don't have them back home. When I first come here I thought they were all prostitutes standing in a box copying the pro's of the Dam!  Well they are not pro's!  They are only selling these little green nuts, luring in the guys in the trucks making long trips delivering stuff from A to B.  They often have them located by the freeways!

That's all I can think of right now.  I think if I could write things about that are not weird anymore that were weird when I first got here all night long, all day tomorrow, and all next week too!!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

some of my old students!!!

I really miss all my old students very much, especially those at Joy who used to speak to me in English constantly in the street, at work, at break time.  They used to tell me everything they done all weekend, what their mothers do, what they old men do, where they live, what they do at school.  I was seen by them all as an extended member of their family.  Treat by them as a long lost brother or something.  I hope they all do great things in their life!!!! 

I also miss my little shits (this is used affectionately) at the kindergarten.  They used to do so much funny stuff and copy me so much, which probably isn't a good thing.  

Anyway here are some my past previous students, mainly the ones I miss!!! 

The best way to get around in Taiwan...

It is not the bus, it is not the MRT, in Taipei it is certainly not a car.  The best way is a scooter.  A lot of foreigners I have met just don't have big enough bollocks to get around on a scooter, they're too chicken shit.  Anyway I totally love it.  Here are a few pictures of me while I am riding the scooter around Taipei, and Taiwan.  All but one of them are selfies!  

I would highly recommend anyone coming to Taiwan to purchase a scooter.  They are easy to use, great to get around on.  Cheap to maintain.  Ideal for flying around and exploring Taiwan.  When I get my holidays next year if I don't have to spend it looking after my mom and dad I am gonna take 2 weeks off work and ride the scooter all the way around Taiwan like a boss! (if a bunch of 80 old's can do it then so can I!)

My bashed up scooter has seen some action, crashes, road trips bumps and scrapes etc etc.  It still manages to get me anywhere and everywhere and it is one of the best things I have ever bought here!  I love it! 

Gua Sha treatment for heat stroke relief

Earlier this week I had to get Gua Sha, because of suffering from bad heat stroke after hiking in the afternoon, like a madman, bang on midd...